history part 17

love is really blind... make me blind... watever things u did.. watever i did.... really out of my expectations.. i did get mad wh u din do my way/wish.. i did easily 4giving wh i mad like... less than 24 hours... but i did have my bad habit.. bad tempered... wh as u said.. not much ppl can really take it... tat's da main reason y u left.. i did think so..

now is april... mayb ur bz apply for ur posting or u'd sitting for ur exam or u alre getting reply on wh u shall be serving.... i wonder... will we see each other again? will we talk again?? will i speechless? will i being frenly wh i see u? or will i slap u? hahaha i keep think of da things might happen, n the possibilities of this to be happened..

2day went to bridal shop getting some stuffs... da gal same age as me.. trying on her wedding gown... "wow... i'm almost 25... people r getting married... settling down... me?? hahah really funny... not even getting over past, not even have a partner...."

last time i used to think, we will move to this stage... now.. getting a partner is mission impossible.. getting married................ next life maybe.....

i don have faith anymore frankly speaking... coz it's hard to really know someone... getting used to live with someone from zero... decide to be with someone for another 20,30,40 years.... plus.... i don wan2 risk my time 'invest' in a relation which might end up like history... i don have that much of 47 months... i don have that faith to love someone and not to thinking da person shall be loyal,faithful.... i tell myself.. if i get a new partner(if i can find a new partner ), i wont wan2 be wif him for more than 2 years.... if i din see da future , i shall call it quit, or move on with some1 else.... but those just a positive thinking that, i manage 2 find so many ppl who really suits me....

hate when come to think i'm 25, no $$, no partner.... life just so shit... but i earn myself, settle my bill.... some frens can hav a partner, still thinking of another person hoping to get an chance to be wif... or a new relation... as if riding a car, looking for a new porsche... hahha

sometimes kinda worry, that i will be desperate that, once i meet a new partner who have da potential to be my companion, i just go and become someone's wife... within a year time... which kinda alot of examples around me.... scary... mostly is meet wif 'accident' then rush for the process of being mr & mrs...

u know... i now getting myself into stuffs u like me to do las time... a lot.... esp my look.... shit... must not let u know....

i wish... i can find my happiness... a.s.a.p..... lack of patience....