my northern holidays

i'm going back hometown for my long week holidays. managed to catch up wif some buddies but not all.

having the chance to watch Body guards and assassins at gsc, gurney.. and my long lost frens-tears come visit out of expectations.

i thought it will be just some sort of normal movies as usual.. who knows few scenes started to touch me so much that, tears bcum unstoppable..

i remembered last movie i cried in cinema was Million Dollar baby few years back. and i cried so serious this time, coz las hour of the movie for B&G, i cried at the part talking abt family ties... seeing how father care abt their children. i love my family.. and i will love them as much as i could.

history part 20

there's one time, we need to meet up ur coursemate to get things from her. yea her.. female frens of every bf are 'bitches/soon-to-be-bitches' which really annoying.

however, i hav no comment since she is helping u on ur study. so we walk walk like usual holding hands to meet her up.we were walking down da staircase and i saw a gal standing right down at the staircase standing back facing our directions. all of sudden, u notice her appearance as well, my hand was left 'alone' by urs... omg u step on my anger point. u straight away drop my hands and walk around 2x speed than our spped b4 this towards her, then i was left alone behind standing right there dunno if i should come later following u, intro myself as ur gf....

back 2 reality, i stand there right behind both of u, 'act busy', looking at the flow of people around.. u both seems very 'into' the exchange of conversations as if din seeing each other for ten yrs i guess.

later, when u back 2 reality, oh i think u remembered u did bring 1 puppy wif u jus now, aka me, left alone behind u 2. u giving me the smile whenever u did something 'wrong/'forget' abt me most of the times. i smile to her though i din intro myself. u ran to me and giving da same smile again. u knew what will happened next.

"very happy 2 see her, aren't u?"
"long time din see her dy rite"
"i m just 'happned' to tag along companying u rite?"
"u drop my hand and ran to her, r u?"
"i am gf, am i?"
shouldnt u be intro me to her? instead of dropping my hand and act as if i din appear at all?"
"im just companion to meet her, rite?"
"u react ,talk and smile as if din meet her for 10 yrs,"
"i know i am nobody when comes to ur study life or so ever, but i am gf if im not mistaken"
"u like it if i drop urs front of my frens?"

as usual, u act like a small kid who try 2 get forgivness for making mistakes. i still give the same no respond face, but deep inside i start 2 think, it seems to be an unhealthy way of r/ship.

my normal face aka angry face keep showing whole day long. i really don understand, what makes a bf react such way.
its just a fren, which meet up to get things, what for da gf's hands need to be dropped and left behind all alone?

gf standing alone behind, dunno if she should walk front , 'interrupt and intro herself, or stand right where she is, and being the 'sporting gf".

being da 1st one seems keen to show off her status to the fren.. sigh ppl is a so call future dr like u. if i did that, gals normal reaction is, da gf v control over da bf. but i hav diff thoughts: y u did this? it should be a small issue, y we cant walk 2gether to ur frens and u guys start 2 do 'ur business' ?

u dunno how 2 respond over my questions .. u jus keep repeat that u din mean it, but ppl's reaction thru body language is the most natural answer given.

i am disappointed right when u dropped ur hand, i know its da moment, our distance gain further. u din intend to make me into ur life. after all the trusts and faith i given to this r/ship. u did this all of sudden. i nvr wan all these come btw the r/ship, but y this happened. mayb i am not good enuff for u i guess. a gf jus a gf, not really a gf that can tell the world. jus like how we ended, we no need 2 tell the world.

i wonder, will u still be doing this now? i don think so, coz u surely choose da 1 u wan2 be matched with. weird that i need 2 talk abt this small issue which keep play in mind.

i am celebrating 2nd anniversary single life in cmong 2 months, happy 2nd anniversary single to me,

xoxo
lynn

history part 19-DYR?

sudden recall of our moments of arguments.
there's one which i still remembered, jus like every normal couples, arguements/fights are normal. we had ours as well.

ours seems to b v scary , i mean 'fight'/'argue', my usual respond after few minutes is 'wanted to walkaway', turn around, or drop away ur hands if we were holding each others.

then here come da classic moments which i guess 99% of couples did that anbd work 100%. u will surely hold my hands tighter than usual not 2 letting me go, and i am surely will 'act like releasing my hands away from urs... and those words still going on.. till u cant fight me back anymore wif any words.. u seems to lack of words and phrases... then

u will hold my head as if im a puppy who is not obedient, putting ur lips onto mine trying to 'shut' my mouth, coz this is da only way u know right at the moment. i will 'struggle' for few seconds... but after that, i 'surrender'. coz it's something i am weak of..

seems like i really forget how long i din hav that feelings dy... knn need 2 get a man asap.

calculated define by them

today i reach my work emo climax. and i did it via email. shit... i make my boss and boss 'consult' me, i should not be 'calculated'. aih...

i am ok all these while, till las month, when i am taking over job from ppl, bcum 2 man job. and i seems can't take it anymore when da OM is crossing da line in front of my face. my las day at work b4 i 'burn out' bcuming kinda emo.

well... i know i should not be mayb in ppl's eyes. but i need 2 express it out. i can't take it this way. i am giving all my effort to be what i had promised to ppl. i din turn them down, but i din do da best of i could, coz i cant concentrate.

i just want to work and go off, but the feelings of sandwich at the place is too weird and i reach the tip point.

mayb i need high EQ. i think so. but i just want to say sorry that i make u feel disappointed.

dec mood

okay finally come to end of the year. planning something in mind, gonna start a new life after feb i guess.. hehe...

recently having this stupid mood again.. missing those not single life, i think coz its da festive seasons, all those atmosphere, da whole 'smell' making ppl wan2 hav some1 with u whenver u are, either jus a person whom can walk side by side, or just cuddling at the lonely, cool night... god... i should hav get used 2 this single life since its coming to 2nd anniverssary of the single life.

watever it is.. i hav family and frens, and i am happy with it.

we choose how we wan2 live our life, but not bcoz of whoever wan our life to be.

single banzai... hahaha