history part 13

i kept remembered u these days... our history... gosh... sometimes i think, y cant we settle it? solve it? is it i'm being harsh? or i should be agreed wif wat decisions u'd made then, to jus KIV our probs back in yr ago... and u just pop out sudden half yr later, as if u wan2 SOLVe it...



i kept thinking, y i cant get u 2 talk 2 me that time? y i failed to get u 2 talk to me? y u can jus left without saying anything 2 me? u really had nth 2 tell me?? back in times when things happened?? or izzit true wh ppl told me that... u might act been cheated on me?? if so, then it might be da best answer 2 fill in the blanks y u left in sudden, without a word...



i presume, it stopped that time, though u din spell ur mind, i did my part n i had no regrets. coz i tried, i hav no regrets then.



i wondered, y u wan2 came out after it happened like half yr later, after i'd been thru all da ups and downs of alone.... u know i really felt i am useless, coz i always wan2 be my self, not da tough face u see, but till da end, i am still da tough character u seen, is there any guy can left da person they love(i think u did, i hope its not cheated), no goodbyes, no words, jus ask her 2 blah...



i kept hav all da words u told me: jus go, i don wan2 talk 2 u, i don wan2 see u, we are over, i cant stan these,...... it's not like u wan me 2 announce it to the world....



so i took all of them wif me.... packed all my feelings... i went 2 a place far far away so u wont ever see me again.... i started my life over again... i face my feelings, i live in miserable life... i am normal during normal times... bad times approached wh i'm alone.... i cried so much at nites... i hate nights so much.... i hate driving coz i will be crying as well, as soon as i'm in the car, musics on, tears started 2 dropped, i hate jams, coz tears are unstoppable, i don care what ppl in the next car think of if they saw me... i hate being alone... i hate that.... i hate wh i see my phone... i jus tried so hard 2 left it all over places... i don wan2 see it, coz i know, i will try 2 contact u... i hate myself so much for da months... useless indeed.



half yr later, u approached me, i dunno how 2 say no, coz i am useless, once again i hurt mysef... putting my mind in tat horrible times...



again... i'm killing myself n my decisions for 2nd time.... i had no guts 2 rejected u....



again.... i seems2 be getting over it.... when times are filled wif other much important issues....

u came again... i giv u ONE BIG SHOOT, n u never come back...



i know i am doing this, 2 help myself getting over this... i cant follow ur flows anymore... i hav my own life to live.... i have my life wh alre back 2 track... to me, there's no turning back, coz i dont see da benefit of doing so... i don need anything now... i don need explaination... now a yr after things happened... i solve things on the spot, not after that, not after ur free for me, not after u tired wif others n u sudden recall of me.... i am me... i am loyal to my love... wh i dont deserve people who cheated on me, and dont even hav da guts to talk 2 me.... i don need a person who runaway from problems to love me....



i am tough , indeed tough than u expect i am. i can cry on my own shoulder, i solve it myself, i move forward, don come to say sorry , wh u realise that u ACTUALLY HURT me b4..... i am not anyone... bear in mind... thanks to u... i am so tougher than i expected....



i always wan2 be dependent gal, wh needs some1 to protect me... but seems that i am too independent, that even this hard time, i get thru myself... no words of apology, no explanation, no discussion, no conversations.... but i get thru it thru support from my frens, family n myself...



luckily, i am not that useless afterall, i din say congrats on ur new partner, i jus be myself not giving respond... i knew if i am useless, i will never ever woke up from my dreams...



when u were gone, all questions marks seems 2 be pop here n there... i cant find or get any answares from anyone,anywhere,anything...



but when all da blanks fill in wif 1 word.... all questios, wonders are answered... cheated



yea best answer of all times... all questions are answered... gosh.... thus no further words shall conclude all my wonders...



i know, i deserve some better than this, some1 who at least hav guts, or courage and honest to their feelings...



p/s:

no pain no gain. its sad wh things ended in tragic, mayb i am too young to handle all these, or i am innocent/naive to think that its no big deal or probs in the relation...

i deleted u from my life

i don wan2 know anything more from u, i really don wan2 see u... coz i dunno if i will slap/kick ur ass/runaway/ from u.... or i will just run run run not turning back



i jus wan2 live my life.... without u anymore...



i am not perfect, i'm just being myself... dont change me... just take it or leave it....