2005

some people really like to expose...

monday i was in the yoga class as usual. this really Fish lady.... putting lotion on her body (she seems v proud) while on phone... she was naked i think b4 i saw her.. then i put on my clothes will i packed all my stuffs till i wan2 left, she was still naked bz wif da lotion... i don mind if u naked, but prob is, ur polluted my eyes.. yeah u look like as if u don have any tummy/cellulite or whatever... eh ur naked for so long... wait 2 dry izzit??? fish la... makes me wan2 vomit... I HATE YOU BEING EXPOSE AND FORCE ME TO LOOK OKAY?

keep ur so call so think hot figure to ur man, not ppl like me who hav tummy, cellulite,stretch marks... fish fish fish~~~~~

never ever

A few questions that I need to know

how you could ever hurt me so

I need to know what I've done wrong

and how long it's been going on

Was it that I never paid enough attention?

Or did I not give enough affection?

Not only will your answers keep me sane

but I'll know never to make the same mistake again

You can tell me to my face or even on the phone

You can write it in a letter, either way, I have to know

Did I never treat you right?Did I always start the fight?

Either way, I'm going out of my mind

all the answers to my questionsI have to find

My head's spinning

Boy, I'm in a daze

I feel isolated

Don't wanna communicateI

'll take a shower, I will scour

I will rub

To find peace of mind

The happy mind I once owned, yeah

Vexing vocabulary runs right through me

The alphabet runs right from A to Z

Conversations, hesitations in my mind

You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find

I'm not crazy

I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong, noI'm just waiting

'Cause I heard this feeling won't last that long

Never ever have I ever felt so low

When you gonna take me out of this black hole?

Never ever have I ever felt so sad

The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad

Never ever have I had to find

I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind

I've Never ever had my conscience to fight

The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right

I'll keep searching

Deep within my soul

For all the answers

Don't wanna hurt no moreI need peace, got to feel at ease

Need to be.Free from pain - going insane

My heart aches, yeah

Sometimes vocabulary runs right through my head

The alphabet runs right from A to Z

Conversations, hesitations in my mind

You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find

I'm not crazy,

I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong

I'm just waiting'

Cause I heard this feeling won't last that long

You can tell me to my face,

You can tell me on the phone,

Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe

'Cause I really need to know

1605

back from A&D movie... kinda nice but i'd act read da book b4 wacthing it... but still a worth watch.... but it's irritating coz just b4 the movie, wh queuing for the ticket collections, da AUNTIE in front seems din success in processing her purchase of tickets online wh CREATE the long queue... finally din miss any part of the movie , thanks to the Advertising wh delayed like min 15 minutes... heheh...

i like watch movie a lot, but it might effect by the situation, esp the person sitting next to you, and behind you. this time, was the guy and his partner sitting on my left side. 1st i thought they might jus whispering ... later on they were talking to each other, where da stupid partner kept ask questions, da guy kept explained explained... WTF... feel like wan2 slap them LOUD and keep their mouth shut...gosh.... calm down.... i learnt from my yoga practise... inhale .. exhale... inhale... exhale.... i did managed to calm down... coz i don wan2 ruined my RM11...

wow... facebook indeed a good media 2 spread news... just found out my fren's bro just go married... age like maybe 20?22? ....

back to myself, my frens seems start to worry about me i guess... all surrounded by the point of intro guys for me, even my own family... err... i just started to enjoy my life... can i rest?? concentrate in my life? it's very tiring after the past years... very very tiring i mean it.



WE ARE MORTAL UNTIL THE FIRST KISS AND SECOND GLASS OF WINE-- Eduardo Galeano

confession

these days surrounded by good things...

1. for sometimes dy, i finally get a good mood in my working environment.. its v diff but i like da things i can learn, da nice colleagues.. =) thanks guys

2. yesterday da Isetan sales , i went jus for short while coz i know, da longer i stay, da worst things is coming await. finally i just manage 2 control myself to get only a pair shoes... less than RM40, so no worries to my budget.. i act v worries about my sickness.. i keep buying shoes, non-stop when i see them.. i try 2 control and i hope i can really cut down my shopping behavious coz my shoe cabinets alre full....

3. lastly.. my bestest buddy soon will attached wif her beloved.. feel so great seeing people i love find thier happiness and decided to move on with the next chapter of life, holding hands with person they love for the rest of their life... Shi a wase ne....

i still recalled of some past memories, but u know what, its all with happy smily faces not emotional crying faces , so no worries yea~~

life goes on~~~
yeah 2nite will going for Angels And Demons wif my 'kaki' movie...

Letter for you- i

Dear You,

i felt like want to contact you, but not having the guts to call, sms..... so here i am... writing this letter for you, since the seperation sometimes back.

i kept thinking what if things been solved? then i wont keep think IF IF IF in mind.. this is not what i always want of being uncertain about things in life.

u always say:
i din think on ur side
i kept make u being 'luxury' life
i din helped on ur probs
i'm being bad tempered
i'm being selfish
i'm being inconsiderate
i'm being playful
i din fulfill ur wish
i din put on make-up
i din wear what the other gals wear
i kept wearing jeans

BUT, u know what

i cooked a full set meal (dishes + soup) JUST FOR YOU 1st time in my life

i tried on make-up 1st time in my life JUST FOR YOU...(which i am still exploring)

i learnt and drove all da way to KLIA just to fetch u, so tat u no need 2 take the long hour bus trip...plus, i just learnt klang valley roads like few months... plus its night.....

i tried to mix wif ppl around u, ur family, ur frens... i went trip wif ur frens which i don even know who they are... but u giv me black face wh i brouhgt u met up wif my gang...

i cant being wif u there...but i listened to ur troubles and probs daily.... pushing myself so hard to solve for you..

i gave my time 24/7 for you,whenever you're around...

i swear that i din outing/dating/seeking any guy at all...

i'm being myself all these while, but i know slight changes might be a good way, y not i giv it a try rite? but seems like i lost myself.. i juggle btw whom u want me to be and being who i am.

i know tolerate is what i lack of, i accept you as the person when i knew you, why things being changed??or i changed?

080509

i'm 25 yr old officially soon. Friends attached, married, give birth etc....
then i started to think again... shit.. i feel like life just started ... some alre moving to next stage. i can't take good care of myself, how should i take care of others?

some people tend to be have chances of getting new people in life easily. i know i am not, due to my lazyness. yeah its true. i am not taking any initiative to know new people. i spend my time front of TV, PC, books, sleep, dreaming, meet up friends... maybe this is what people call the best time in life to enjoy... and so, i booked ticket to TW next year. though i yet 2 work out my budget for the trip, but it gives me motivation when i was tired in work, when i was lost... keep me going on...

i hope people around me find their path in life, find their happiness, find their way to stay happy everyday...

i wish i can earn as much as i spend.. hahaha da rest just stay healthy n happy
=)

SPBT

wa lao eh... i should be working during these hours being a so call OL... but seems like i become my mom's PA when she cant use the PC as she wish... she was a bad tempered(i am exactly like her) and she cant stan of waiting the antique PC to 'run the slow-motion' way... my hp kept rang like non-stop hearing her mumbling, complaining ... so? i also lost my temper... i am not there 2 help her 2 settle it coz i am IT-idiot who try to lead a blind in dark.. so u can imagine the disaster happening ... worse of all, i try 2 get da PC owner help out n da stupid hp of this ppl (wh i SWEAR I WANT TO THROW INTO TOILET BOWL AND FLUSH IT SO I WONT HAVE 2 SEE IT ANYMORE) never pick up call/hp low batt.... wah... dont try 2 test my patience i tell u....



so , do u still think i am a bad person? if i am housewife, or stay home doing my own stuffs i am sure running to help. prob is i am working as well... pls.... pls... i think i can't live/stay wif ppl who being same temper as mine...